I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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