This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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