whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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