is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
