no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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