We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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