It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
