The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
