it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
