Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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