The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
