Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
