I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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