There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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