sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
