Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
stop calling my apartment porn island.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
