I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
