Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
