just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
