i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I would fuck him just for his dog
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
