I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
