I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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