i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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