someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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