Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
