I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
