This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
