it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
