He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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