I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
