I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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