He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
