i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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