just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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