You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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