I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize