Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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