somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
