Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
