I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Randomize
