I think i sorta joined a cult last night
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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