Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
