Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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