I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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