ya dads aren't the best wingmen
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
