I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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