Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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