You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
