I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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