Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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