I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
