12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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