did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
