she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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