I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
