He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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