I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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