dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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