U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
