i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
