I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
