chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
