you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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