i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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