I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
