I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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