I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
