I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
