Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
