Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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