dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
