She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
please come you make the beer taste better
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
