i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
