so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
