I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
