He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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