he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
