if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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