just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
