do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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