Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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